I’m the ever-aspiring Fool. More specifically, I’m aspiring to be the Fool we all once were. The confident, wise being whose unwavering optimism serves as inspiration to me now.
I’m a recent graduate from Cal, and by recent I mean I graduated over a year ago; I now find myself on a path I never dreamed I would be on. For several years, I imagined law school as my final destination, the grand finale to my education (maybe not finale, but a temporary ending), the solution to my indecisive wants of pursuing other careers. Law school was the answer; it was stable and doable.
As the academic year was reaching it’s savory end, the end I’d prayed I would see, I felt what home-buyers feel when buying a house out of their price range: buyers’ remorse. The LSATs were taken, letters of recommendation sent in, personal statements sent in, and the application fees paid. The moment should have felt euphoric, like a boulder off my shoulders, but I didn’t feel satisfied. I suddenly found myself asking the question: so what are you doing to do after you graduate, you certainly aren’t going to law school? Wait, what?
I decided that I would only go to law school if I were granted acceptance to my top two choices: Stanford or Berkeley. I didn’t want to go to any law school, just to put a check mark by that goal. I wanted to go big or go home. Let’s just say I went home…relieved.
I worked at a high-paying, dead-end (for me) job after graduation; the position was temporary and even with the option of extending my contract, I felt it was not right for me, tempting as it was. I will spare you the details. Law-anything was not a desirable option, and while I was mostly responsibility-free, I decided to explore my most authentic dreams. This part, I relealized, I should have done in college, before choosing a major, and at least before choosing a graduate school. The job ended and the world was my oyster, my mysterious, exciting, confusing oyster.
One glorious Monday night, I went out with an ex-coworker on what, at that time, I reluctantly called a date. We got along so well from our first encounter that I looked forward to the friendship we were bound to have. On this night, a night filled with fun and thought-provoking conversation, he asked me a question that set me up on the path I am on now. The fervor with which he asked the question surpirsed both of us, as if he wasn’t completely aware of how important this question was.
“Elena, what do you want to do?”
With even more surprise, I exclaimed, “I want to write!”
There was a moment of silence. I knew I was in the presence of a truth of truths. Writing, a hobby, was always dear to me, and fun! I had never considered making it a career though, I was certain I had nothing to say that wasn’t already said; I merely wrote for myself. It took an implusive question for me to have an impulsive answer, which would be the most authentic one.
When you are on the right path, you seldom know it’s the right one beyond feeling it’s the right one. The way the universe folds and opens to offer you this road, which leads exactly to where you should be, is miraculous. Two weeks did not go by before I found an internship at a publishing house, here in San Francisco. Now, almost eight months later I have a part-time job with the company, with a boss whom I feel cares about my dreams. I have time for myself to write and I am even working on a book with my boss!
If I hadn’t taken a leap, or two, of faith, I would not be where I am now. The very essence of the Fool is trust in what is ahead, as long as you are doing what is true to you.
As for the man with the important question, he is my partner of over 7 months, with whom I am very much in love, but that’s a different story.
I’ve Got Zombies on the Braiiinnnnssss
Army of Darkness is perhaps one of the worst movies of all time. Miraculously, I have seen it quite a few times, not in full though. However reluctantly I began my journey into the land of zombie B-movies, I did begin it, and I’m pretty sure I finished it.
I don’t mean to brag, but I have seen quite a few movies from this fine genre. From The Evil Dead, The Evil Dead 2, Return of the Living Dead, Return of the Living Dead 2, Dead Alive, Night of the Living Dead (the older and newer versions), and Shaun of the Dead I earned myself some street cred in the undead scene, I also did it in a matter of months. At first this was goofy thing for me and my boyfriend to do, we’d hunt down the best of the worst and take turns laughing at ourselves first, then at the movie, then at ourselves again. We’d also only pick movies that were not actually scary, because horror was not the purpose. With each rental a new world would open, not only in the movie, but in our own lives. Those movies served as a key to an interesting cult following, nothing serious, but definitely to an either-you-know-or-you-don’t-know society. From movie store staff to random people in the line at the grocery store, we bonded with our community via this unexpected subject of so-bad-they’re-good zombie movies.
At this point in my seasoned journey, I wonder: What makes zombies so attractive? Why have there been hundreds of movies made on this topic? One of the biggest factors in the popularity in zombie films, I think, is their proximity to reality. It seems the slightest bit possible that a chemical spill can create a transmittable disease among humans (the undead part is less easily explained) creating an insatiable thirst for brains. I kid.
The real reason I liked them was their unintentional humor and completely ridiculous plots and characters. This was the reason while watching. Now that I am a zombie-movie connoisseur of sorts, my reason for the interest has changed. What fascinates me now is not how likely it is for people to un-die, but rather how real it is that so many of us are living-dead. It all began when jokingly my boyfriend and I pointed out some random person staggering along, probably drunk, and saying, “hey look, a zombie,” and we’d laugh because this is how the movies introduce zombies: just one harmless one, walking about, going unnoticed. When we thought about this joke that we proceeded to make on a more frequent basis, we realized there are quite a few zombie-like people around, including, probably, us.
Bear with me for a minute as I take my rant to its logical (or not so logical…whatever) conclusion. Are we living like zombies and not even aware of it? Are we blindly striving for some self-serving goal (mmm, brains) because the group is?
Some of the films showed zombies as having some emotions, a glimpse of a conscience, even a sense of humor. There is a momentary sense of hope, but this moment is fleeting; the zombies end up wanting you only for your brains and that’s that. We show more than glimpses of human connections and consciences, we have so much to give and show and offer each other. I hope we nurture these very human qualities before we do turn into something scary.
Is it possible that zombie movies can teach us something? I think so. We’re going through an interesting time in history and there are extreme social movements on the horizon. When our solid ground feels a little shakey it’s easy to get greedy to save yourself, but this is the most important time to be nurturing to others. In times when we feel like letting out a beast we must take care not to. These are trying times for many and the way to get through it together and with success, we have to be conscious and conscientious, alert and mindful, human and compassionate.
Don’t be a zombie, they always get defeated, even if it’s in a sequel down the line.
→ 8 Comments
Posted in The Comment Box
Tagged army of darkness, awareness, compassion, dead, dead alive, evil dead, human, movie, night of the living dead, peter jackson, return of the living dead, shaun of the dead, social change, undead, zombie